Life After The Northern Cavern 'Incident'
by DarkDude
Summary: My first fic. It's truly horrible. Curse you, all who read it.
1. Battle and the Beginning

Life After the Northern Cavern Incident  
  
Well first off, I don't own (well I own a copy) but I don't own Final Fantasy VII, and all the characters mentioned here from Final Fantasy VII are all property of Square (thought Yuffie is my bitch.) And, other legal stuff too.  
  
First off, I'm new to this. This is my first story, so if I forgot some legal stuff, just contact me, don't sue me or anything. Also, this being my very first story ever posted on FF.net, please be nice. Or, you could be a flamer. R/R!  
  
  
  
"Oooh.shit.How'd I get myself into this again?" Yuffie muttered to herself, dodging yet -another- Super Nova summon.  
  
"I cant hold up much longer.too much damage." She kneeled on the ground, down to her last breath, and she glanced at her teammates, Cloud and Cid. Cloud was already feinted on the ground, and Cid looked spent too.  
  
"Old man, better quit while we're behind, right?" She called to him, looking at Safer Sephiroth, who was muttering some sort of spell.  
  
"Nah.I think.This is my last kid." He kneeled back and took out an elixir, throwing it to her before feinting himself. Of course, Yuffie felt great, but a feeling of guilt swept over her.  
  
"Damn! Old man! Get u-Ow! Stupid Sephiroth!" She summoned Knights of the Round, and kneeled down to help the renowned pilot.  
  
"Jeez.its gotta be here somewhere.why'd I have to spend the last of my money on porno mags instead of Phoenix Downs.oh wh-.Hey! Here's one!" Yuffie reached inside her pocket.  
  
"This was supposed to be a good luck charm, but, I hafta use it now." She said to herself, throwing it on Cid was completely revitalized.  
  
"That was some Phoenix Down.whoo-wee, I was spen-Ow!" Cid flew back as a Comet 2 Spell smacked into him.  
  
"Damn bastard, this outta take care of you!" Cid, completely pissed beyond belief used his Highwind Limit Break, pummeling Sephy with hordes of missiles. Of course, Sephiroth was still going, with his massive amount of health. Yuffie had about enough too.  
  
"Screw this! All Creation!" She announced and a brilliant blast of light and special effects surrounded her and she pummeled Sephiroth, who was now down on his wing. Cid nodded to Yuffie, and knelt down. Yuffie ran, jumped on Cid's shoulders, did a flip and slashed Sephiroth with her Conformer before falling flat on her face. Cid then jumped and stabbed Sephiroth with his Venus Gospel, and then it was over.  
  
-About a Year Later-  
  
Everything was going great for the stealer-turned hero named Yuffie. She was given a hero's parade in Wutai, one million gil, and she bought the house in Costal Del Sol. She was living the good life, and she wasn't ever sad. Except that she was soooo alone. And bored.  
  
"Man.I need a man. Or action. Or maybe some man-action. I'm 20 and still a virgin!" She talked to herself one day. She got up and walked around, and decided to call Red XIII, her old furry friend.  
  
"Hey Red! What's up?"  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"Your old ninja friend!"  
  
"Grey fox?"  
  
"What the fuck.No its Yuffie!"  
  
"The thief?"  
  
"No, the incredible hot and sexy model."  
  
"Oh.yeah."  
  
"So hi!"  
  
"What's the point of this?"  
  
"Well, I thought maybe the gang could have like a reunion party. I'm pretty bored, and afterwards, me, you and Tifa can have a threesome! How does that sound?"  
  
"*pant pant pant pant*"  
  
"Uh.Red.Did you take me seriously?"  
  
"*Pant*.Uh .of course not."  
  
-Day 1-The Party Planning (Coming soon!) 


	2. Party Planning!

CHAPTER 2  
  
  
  
-Day 1-The Party Planning  
  
Yuffie was waiting for Cid and Red XIII in her house. They were going to plan the party. Yuffie picked Cid cuz he looks like he's been through a few party's (maybe when the civil war first ended) and picked Red XIII cuz Red XIII must be a party animal. Or just an animal. Well anyways she was bored and decided to get our her Conformer, and started throwing it around.  
  
"Wow, this is pretty fun!" She laughed and threw it some more, until it broke the window and impaled a surfer dude in the head.  
  
"Oh shit! Sorry!" She screamed out the window, and ran to the basement.  
  
"Who are you?!" She screamed when she saw the sleepy guy.  
  
"Oh me, well I'm Shaq, but I put all my money into Kazaam, but noone liked it so now Im poor, and I break into people's homes and live in their basement." He replied.  
  
"Uh.Right, okay, well, um, *thwock*" She slammed her fist into his head and knocked him out. She then dragged his massive body up the stairs and threw him into the streets.  
  
"Owww." Cid cried out. Yuffie noticed that his hand was under Shaq's massive body, and remembered she threw him on Cid. She grabbed Cid's hand and pulled him from under Shaq, then dragged him inside.  
  
"Okay Cid, here's the thing. Im having a party. Youre planning it. Any questions?"  
  
"Can there be any nak---"  
  
"Wait, I'm not finished. No strippers or hookers"  
  
"Neither am I. Can there be any naked girls?" Cid asked.  
  
"Um.Well." Yuffie pondered the thought.  
  
"Nah.It wouldn't be too pleasing for my eyes.though with the luck I've been having with guys, maybe I should turn lesbo. What do you think?"  
  
"Well if you do, record the honeymoon!" Cid grinned. Yuffie sighed, and walked to the window and saw Red XIII.  
  
"Hey Red!"  
  
"Um hi." Red nodded toward Yuffie, and Cid.  
  
"Hey beast!" Cid said heartily, and hugged Red, nearly crushing his ribs.  
  
"May I ask why I am here?"  
  
"To plan the wildest party!" Yuffie exclaimed with Japanese schoolgirl excitement.  
  
"Can there be any nak-" Red asked.  
  
"Wait, Im not finished. No strippers or hookers."  
  
"Neither was I. Can there be any naked cats?" Red asked, his breathing slowly heavy.  
  
"If that's your fetish.NO." Yuffie outright refused.  
  
"Damn.If that's the way you want it then." Red muttered depressed.  
  
"Don't worry Ol' Red. There aren't gonna be any naked chicks there either." Cid said sadly too.  
  
"Oh fine. If you guys just want a party full of naked things, so be it." Yuffie said angrily, not really meaning it.  
  
"Great!" They said together.  
  
-Day 1 Continued-Naked Cats and Naked Chicks- More To Come Later 


End file.
